Staying in Control, Even in Death
by islashlove
Summary: Shawn turns up to meet Gus for a movie, unfortunately a gunman has taken Gus hostage. Each chapter will be from one person's point of view. This is NOT a slash story. Major character death inside.
1. Shawn's POV

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that is from Psych.**

**Beta:**** Yes and thank you ****jerseybelle for your hard work.**

**Warning:**** Major character death. There are hints that Shawn had committed suicide. Please note, suicide is a very serious matter and if you feel that it is your only option, please talk to someone first. **

**Author's Notes:**** Every chapter will be from one person's point of view. Yes, I have killed off Shawn and unlike most of my stories; this IS NOT a slash story. This is the first story of four and each story will have anywhere, between six to eight chapters in each. **

**Staying in Control, Even in Death:** **By islashlove**

**Chapter 1:**** Shawn's POV**

I was twelve years old when my grandfather died and I attended his funeral, along with my dad and best friend Gus. Like the good boys we were we stayed on our best behaviour through it. But later, when we were all back at my dad's house for the wake, Gus and I managed to slip away and went down to the beach leaving the adults to talk amongst themselves.

I told Gus straight out, that I was not going to have a boring, stuffy funeral like that. And straight back he told me that he really didn't think I had choice in the matter. But I wasn't going to accept that; after all, it was going to be my funeral.

Gus just came back at me using his 'I know it all voice', telling me that because I'd be dead, it would be up to my family to organise it. I couldn't help it, he had hit a nerve, so I had put my foot down, and I told him in a defensive voice, that I wasn't going to die! If I couldn't have a say in how they're going to bury me, then I just wasn't going to die.

Gus was just about to answer me, when we heard our names being call by my dad from somewhere from behind us. We were both caught off guard and jumped a little bit. Quickly turning around, we saw dad walking straight towards us.

"Dad," I called out in surprise.

"Mr. Spencer," Gus called out, equally surprised.

Then dad started his lecture to me. "Now, Shawn," he started, "what have I said to you about letting your guard down?"

I came back mocking him, by repeating his lecture in his own voice. "Shawn you should always be on guard, as you could be attacked at any time, from anywhere." But as usual Dad just ignored it and continued to say what he wanted to say.

I was quick to change the topic. I asked him if there was something he wanted and he said yes then went on to tell Gus that his parents were heading home and they want him to go with them. Gus being Gus took off to find his mum and dad, but he yelled back to us, saying bye and that he'd see me the next day.

Dad then said that we better head back into the house and back to our guests. I'd had it with him. I had just buried my grandfather and he wanted me to go back into the house and be nice to people I didn't even know. I let him know that I wasn't happy about it. I told him that they were his guests, not mine. And then I swear to him, that there was no way I was going to have a funeral when I die.

And he laughed at me. He told me that I wouldn't even know what they had done for my funeral. After all I'll be dead, wouldn't I? But that just helped me make up my mind, Oh yes; I was going to be in charge; in charge of my own death and in charge of my own funeral!

**Twenty seven years later...**

It was a beautiful afternoon. I was walking along the quiet street, drinking my delicious pineapple smoothie. I was meeting Gus at the movie theatre on Thomas Avenue; we were going to watch the newest vampire horror movie that had just been released. Just as I turned onto the street, my eyes were hit by the array of red and blue lights from the police vehicle's that were outside the theatre.

I instantly knew Gus wasn't there yet, or he would have called me and told me all about it. As I was looking around, I saw Lassie and Jules looking over some sort of map. Smiling to myself and forgetting about the movie I walked over to them. They both looked up at me and I saw fear reflected in their eyes. I guess at the time, I did think it was a bit funny, but I just dismissed it; after all, all I wanted was get in on the case.

I Greeted them as usual and they just gave each other worried looks. Lassiter then greeted me his usual way, _'what are you doing here, Spencer'_, but I noticed it was not with his usual bark. Trying to lighten the mood, I playfully responded to him by saying, _'easy there, Lassie, down boy!'_ But I must have upset him as he turned his back to me and leaned in, whispering something to Jules, who had never taken her eyes off me.

I took this moment to have a look around and to see if Gus had turned up yet. I couldn't see him, but what I did see was that the theatre had its main window shattered and they were taking people away on stretchers. They looked like they had been shot. Over to one side with his back to me, I saw the sketch artiste. He had sketched a profile of a white man that was wearing a pair of black sunglasses, a blue and white cap with short dark brown hair sticking out from under it. Putting this all together, I figured that he was the shooter; I was feeling very smug with myself and was just about to have one of my 'visions' when I spied the crime notes.

Thinking that a little bit more information couldn't do any harm, I had a quick peak, while Lassie and Jules weren't looking my way. What I saw made my blood run cold. The shooter had run down the nearby alleyway and that they now had him trapped, but he had also taken a hostage; it was the hostage's name that had made me freeze. It was a Mr. Burton Guster.

At first I thought, _'right, it's Gus' Uncle'_, but then I remembered that he was in New York. Then realty hit me. It was Gus. My Gus, my best friend, my only real friend in the world, was in the hands of a killer.

I just shouted his name as I ran off, for the alleyway. I didn't look back. If I had, I would have seen both Lassie and Jules coming after me, but I was too fast for them and I just disappeared down the alleyway.

I could hear Lassiter calling me to come back just as I rounded the next corner, but around that corner I came face to face with both Gus and the gunman who was holding his gun at Gus' head. I could see the situation, I knew what was going on, but I also knew I had to get Gus away from that man, away from the danger, or else Gus was going to die. So I did what I always do best, I started to talk.

Ignoring the gunman, I just talked straight to Gus, asking him what the hell was he was doing; that he needs to come now or we would miss the movie. Of course Gus tried to redirect me back to the fact he was being held by a madman, but I wasn't having any of that. Looking straight at the man, but directing my words to Gus, I made out that I was hurt that he wanted to hang out with this other person and not me. To make my point I pointed at the gunman.

Gus yelled at me that he had a gun at his head and I just dismissed it by playing it down, shouting back at him that didn't all the years of friendship we have mean anything to him, but while saying this I was moving forward, towards them.

The gunman must have seen what I was doing and told me to stop moving around or he'd shot Gus. I took a quick glance at his hand that was holding the gun and as he tighten his grip around it, so did his trigger finger. I watched it and just as the trigger reached its firing point I made my move.

And that's when everything started to happen too quickly. I yelled for Gus to run and as I did, I dived toward the gunman. Gus went screaming one way. The gunman and I went the other way. Just as we hit against the wall, I caught a glimpse of Lassie coming around the corner like a knight in shining armour, with his gun in his hand. I saw the gunman raise his gun at Lassie, but today was my day to die, not his. So I pulled at the hand with the gun until I was in between the gun and Lassie. Then, there was the sound of two guns going off. I felt the bullet rip my chest apart and then a burning pain.

As I collapsed onto the ground, all feelings left me. There was no pain, no noise, just, a calm, floating feeling and then I was watching the action from the sideline. Gus, who had returned, was just standing there staring at my lifeless body lying on the ground. I could see he was in shock, but it hurt even more seeing the pain in his eyes. Pain I had caused.

Lassiter had made his way over to the gunman, after kicking the gun away and making sure all was secure, he turned back toward me. I saw his mouth move, but I didn't hear what he said. As the scene before me started to fade away, I saw both Juliet and McNab come running around the corner with the medical crew. As the last bit faded to black, I watched as Jules collapsed crying onto the ground. Then I was just floating in the blackness and at peace.

I knew now that I was wrong! That simply by taking my death into my own hands I had caused a lot of pain to my friends. I did what I thought I had to do because this was how I wanted to die. I didn't want to die lying in a bed in pain, I wanted to die a hero, I wanted to be saving someone, anyone and I guess, it being Gus, seemed like it was just the right thing to do.

I just hope everyone can forgive me, once they know the reason why I did it. Once dad gets the letter I had left him, explaining why I had to be in control of my own death.

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	2. Gus's POV

**Chapter 2:**** Gus's POV**

Shawn and I were twelve years old when his grandfather died and we attended his funeral. I went because I was Shawn's best friend and my parents had also wanted to go and give their condolences to Shawn's dad.

We tried to stay on our best behaviour throughout the funeral. But later on, when we were all back at Mr. Spencer's house for the wake, Shawn and I managed to slip away and head down to the beach, leaving the adults to talk amongst themselves.

After we sat there for a while Shawn started to talk. He got straight to the point like he always did. He said that he wasn't going to have a boring, stuffy funeral like his grandfather's. I couldn't believe what he was saying, so I said straight back to him that I don't really think he had a choice in the matter and I really did believe that. But he wasn't going to accept that as fact; after all, it was going to be his funeral, so why couldn't he have a say in how he wanted it.

Using my 'know it all' voice I told him that's because he'd be dead and it would be up to his family to organise his funeral. I guess I must have hit a nerve with him, as he put his foot down and told me in a very defensive voice that if he couldn't have a say in how they're going to bury him, then he just wasn't going to die.

I was just about to answer him, when we heard our names being call. We were both caught off guard and jumped a little bit and quickly turned around to find Shawn's dad walking straight towards us.

We both yelled out in surprise. Then Shawn's dad started his lecture. _'Now, Shawn,_ _what have I said to you about letting your guard down?'_ Of course Shawn had to try and mock Mr. Spencer by repeating his lecture in a voice that sounded like his dad's._ 'Shawn you should always be on guard, as you could be attacked at any time, from anywhere.'_ But as usual his dad had just ignored it and continued to say what he wanted to say to him.

I was trying to hold back a laugh, when Shawn quickly changed the topic by asked Mr. Spencer if there was something he wanted. Of course he wanted something, or he wouldn't have come down to find us. But it turned out it was me he was looking for. My parents were heading home and it was time for me to go. I just took off to find them, but as I was half way to the house, I yelled back to Mr. Spencer and Shawn saying goodbye and then added that I'd see Shawn the next day.

The next day, Shawn told me that his dad laughed at him when he told him that he wasn't going to have a funeral when he died and that his dad told him that he would be dead and have no idea what they did for him. I could see in Shawn eyes that he had made up his mind that he was going to be in charge of his own funeral. I might not have known how he would do it, but I knew right then that Shawn was going to be in control of his own funeral and all I could think of was god help us.

**Twenty seven years later...**

It was a beautiful afternoon. I had gotten to the movie theatre early just to make sure Shawn and I got tickets for this awesome new vampire horror movie. We were to meet outside at two thirty, but I, like a lot of others, were inside buying the tickets when this man walked in. I don't know if it was just hanging around Shawn all the time, or the fact that we worked for the police but something told me something was wrong. Just as I ducked behind a wall, the man pulled out a gun and started firing into the crowd. I just dropped to the ground and stayed still until it was all quiet. Unfortunately I didn't stay still long enough and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged to my feet and a gun was at my head.

Just as he forced me out into the street, the area was filled with cop cars. In a panic the gunman forced me down a nearby alleyway. Just as we were about to go out of sight, I heard my name called, I knew it was Juliet and she knew he had me. Regardless of my situation, at that point, I felt confident that I would be safe.

As we neared the end of the alleyway, we saw the police had cordoned it off and we were trapped. I tried to talk to the gunman; I tried to explain to him it would be easier for him to just give himself up, but he wouldn't listen, God, at that moment I wished I had Shawn's gift of talking his way out of things. But that thought brought another thought to mind. Shawn. Oh, God, Shawn is going to walk into the middle of this.

We had been standing there for about fifteen minutes when I heard my name being shouted. I knew straight away it was Shawn. I could also hear Lassiter calling after Shawn and I knew Shawn was trying to get to me. But before I could say anything, Shawn came running around the corner, nearly running straight into us.

I could see Shawn's eyes darting around and taking in the situation and the fact that the gunman was behind me and that he was holding his gun at my head. I could see in his eyes that he was desperately trying to work out a plan that would get me away from this madman, away from the danger. So he started to do what he does best, he started to talk.

Shawn ignored the gunman and just talked straight to me. He was asking me what the hell was I doing; that I needed to come with him now or we would miss our movie. I was confused and tried to redirect him to the fact I was being held by a madman. Then he looked straight at the man, but kept on directing his words at me. I nearly died there and then when he made it out that I wanted to hang out with this other person instead of him. Then to make his point, Shawn pointed at the gunman. It was then, I realised that Shawn was moving slowly towards us and all of this was part of his plan.

Trying to help out I yelled at him that the man had a gun to my head and just as I thought he would, he dismissed it by playing it down. He shouted back at me, asking if all the years of friendship we have meant anything to me. As he talked, he took another step forward.

This time the gunman had seen what Shawn was doing and he told Shawn to stop moving around or he was going to shoot me. I watched as Shawn took a quick glance at the hand that was holding the gun and I could feel the gunman tightening his grip around it. I watched Shawn, waiting for his cue to run and then, all of a sudden there it was. _'Run, Gus, Run'_

Just as Shawn shouted those words, I felt his body collide with ours. I did what Shawn had told me, I ran and I could hear screaming. At first I thought it was Lassiter and Jules screaming, as they came rushing in, but then I realised it was me.

I felt foolish and just as I turned around to tell Shawn, who I was sure was behind me, not to say a word about it, I heard two shots. By the time I had returned to where the gunman had been holding me, Shawn was laying on the ground. A pool of red blood had already started to form under him. I couldn't move and was just standing there, staring at my best friend as he was just lying there. I was in shock, but I was also hurting to know this was my fault and there was nothing I could do.

Lassiter had made his way over to the gunman and I looked at him when he kicked the gun away from the gunman. After making sure the area was safe, he turned back toward Shawn and so did I.

Lassiter said something to me, but I didn't hear what it was. All I remember was seeing Juliet and McNab come running around the corner with the medical crew. Just as Jules collapsed crying onto the ground, so did I. But, where Jules was crying, I had fainted from the shock.

I woke up in the hospital a day later. Oh, how I wish I hadn't woken up at all, because I ended up waking into a world which no longer had Shawn in it and I wasn't sure if I wanted to live in a world like that.

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	3. Lassiter's POV

**Chapter 3:**** Lassiter's POV**

It had turned into a very boring day. The only call out that O'Hara and I had received was for a kidnapping that had turned out to be a lack of commutations between family members. We had just turned onto Main Street, when a call out to gun fire at the movie theatre on Thomas Avenue, come in.

O'Hara gave me a strange look when I let out a low groan. All day yesterday, Spencer had gone on and on about how he and Guster were going to watch the newest vampire horror movie today at that precise theatre. That meant that Spencer would most likely be there and want in on the case. If I was lucky, Spencer might have gotten himself shot before we got there.

Just as we turned onto the street I could see that all hell had broken loose. People were running everywhere and several were lying on the ground. We pulled up and as I climbed out, I started to look around to see if I could see the gunman, but my attention was pulled towards a nearby alleyway when I heard O'Hara call something out. Just as I saw two people disappear down an alleyway, I realised what O'Hara had called out. It was Gus' name, for there was the gunman holding his gun to Burton Guster' head and dragging him into the alley with him.

I got on the radio and instructed a few cars to go to the other end of the alley to stop their escape and to try and keep the hostage safe. When I turned around, there was McNab. It had turned out that he was the one who called the shooting in. I told O'Hara to take his statement and then for McNab to help with the shooting victims. It had taken us about fifteen minutes, but we had gotten a sketch artist there and most of the victims to hospital. We still hadn't approached the gunman. In fact, O'Hara and I were just discussing this and looking over the local map, when I saw Spencer heading our way.

He was smiling to himself as he walked straight towards us. It was easy to see that Spencer didn't know about Guster yet, but I was afraid of what Spencer might do when he found out. Looking at O'Hara I could see fear reflected in her eyes as well.

Shawn greeted us the usual way and all I could do was give O'Hara, a worried look. Trying hard to not let Spencer know what was going on I greeted him my usual way with _'what are you doing here, Spencer'_, but it was not my usual bark. He knew something was up and he tried to lighten the mood by saying, _'easy there, Lassie, down boy!'_ But I wasn't having any of his usual nonsense and just turned my back to him. I then leaned into O'Hara and whispered that we better get him out of here and if she knew anyway to do it. She kept her eyes on Spencer and told me she would think of a way, but she also said that Spencer was looking around. We both guessed that Spencer was looking for Guster and we took this time to think of something.

We had just come up with an idea of calling his dad to come and get him, when he screamed out Guster's name. Before I could react, he had bolted for the alleyway. All I could do was take chase, calling for him to come back. I watched as he disappeared around a corner, but I stopped dead in my tracks, when I saw the gunman and Guster. Moving quickly, I back tracked and hid just out of sight. I knew if I went out there right now, this would end badly. Now I prayed that Spencer's ability to talk himself out of anything did not fail him now.

I couldn't see them but I could hear what was being said and to be honest, what Spencer was doing was not making any sense. He had just ignored the gunman and went on to talk to Guster. By this time O'Hara had reached me and I sent her back to get medical help and back up.

Turning back to hear what Spencer was saying I heard him asking Guster what the hell he was doing and that he needed to go with him now or they would miss the movie. Of course Guster had tried to redirect Spencer back to the fact he was being held by a madman. But Spencer must have taken no notice of what he had said and with hurt in his voice, made it out that he was hurt that Guster wanted to hang out with this other person, rather than him.

I could hear the fear in Guster's voice as he yelled at Spencer that he had a gun to his head and I was shocked when Spencer just dismissed it by shouting back at him, that didn't all the years of their friendship mean anything to him. I wished I could see what was happening, but I couldn't. All I could do was hope for, is that I could hear the point when I could come out and help.

Just then I heard Spencer shout for Guster to run. As I came around the corner with my gun drawn, I saw Guster head off down the alleyway screaming and Spencer and the gunman hit up against a wall. Just then, the gunman raised his gun to fire and I fired back. Both Spencer and the attacker collapsed to the ground. I rushed over to made sure that the gunman was secured and after kicking the gun away, I turned back to see that Guster had returned.

He was just standing there staring at Spencer lying on the ground. I could see Guster was in shock, but I could also see the pain in his eyes. I tried to tell him everything was going to be ok, but I don't think he had heard me because just as O'Hara and McNab came running around the corner with the medical crew Guster, too, collapsed. As I went to his side, I watched as O'Hara, crying also collapsed.

The medical crew did what they needed to do and then loaded Spencer and Guster into the ambulance; O'Hara climbed in with them. I was going to stop her, tell her to pull herself together, that she was a police officer, NO, a Detective and she needed to do her job, but I couldn't. I couldn't take what could be her last moments with Spencer. So I just let her go and returned to the job myself.

Spencer didn't make it to the hospital and had died in the back of the ambulance. So by the time I had arrived at the hospital with McNab, O'Hara was sitting alone waiting for news about Guster. God how I wished I could have taken back my wish that Spencer had gotten himself shot and couldn't push his way into the case. But now, I had to ring the Chief and give her the news, but at the same time, I was glad it wasn't going to be me who will have to give Mr. Spencer the worst news a parent could hear.

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	4. Juliet's POV

**Chapter 4:**** Juliet's POV**

It had been a quiet and beautiful afternoon. The only call out we had received, ended well, as the missing child was with a family member and Lassiter and I were heading back to the station. Lassiter had just turned our car into Main Street, when a call came in about a shooting at the Thomas Avenue movie theatre.

I looked at Lassiter to see if he was going to take the call, just as he let out a small groan. At first I gave him a strange look, thinking that for some reason, he didn't want to go to it. But then I remembered that yesterday Shawn had kept on saying that he and Gus were going to see a movie at that theatre today. Now I knew that he was upset because Shawn could already be there, but at the same time I was praying that the boys were ok.

Just as we pulled up at the theatre and started to get out of the car I saw the gunman entering a nearby alleyway and then I saw it, or rather saw him, Gus. He was being dragged down the alleyway, with a gun to his head. I called his name, but I could do nothing to help him. Lassiter must have heard me and got onto the radio and ordered some of the men to go to the other side of the alleyway and stop the shooter from escaping.

I was a bit surprised to see McNab walking up to us. He explained that he was going to see the movie, but as he arrived he had heard a gun being fired. At first he thought it was from the movie, but then he saw people running and then he saw the gunman. When he had realised the gun shots were real, he called it in. Lassiter got me to quickly jot down what McNab had said and then he sent him off to help with the victims.

It had taken us about fifteen minutes to organise getting the victims to hospital and then Lassiter and I went over a local map, trying to work out the best way to get to the shooter and Gus. That was when we saw Shawn heading our way. I looked at Lassiter and I was sure that his eyes were reflecting my own fear.

Shawn greeted Lassiter his usual way and Lassiter gave me a worried look. He then returned Shawn's greeting the same way he always does, but considering the situation, Lassiter's voice was lacking his usual bark. Shawn must have noticed as he tried to lighten the mood with one of his playful responses, but Lassiter wasn't taking any of it and turned his back to Shawn. Leaning towards me, Lassiter whispered that we needed to find a way to get Shawn away from here before he found out about Gus. As I listened to him, I never took my eyes off Shawn and I hoped that he would just leave.

As Lassiter and I talked, Shawn took this moment to look around and I guess he was looking for Gus. Lassiter and I took this moment to come up with an idea to get rid of Shawn. Just as we decided to try calling his dad, Shawn started to yell Gus' name and before either of us could react, Shawn had started to run for the alleyway.

Both Lassiter and I took off after him, but Shawn was too fast for us and before we knew it, he disappeared down the alleyway with Lassiter and then me hot on his heels. Lassiter kept calling to him to come back. I lost sight of them as Lassiter rounded a corner and as I, too, reached the corner; I was surprised to see Lassiter coming back in my direction. I watched as Lassiter pressed himself up against the wall. I then knew that Shawn had found Gus and the gunman.

Just as I reached him, Lassiter looked at me, he then ordered me to go back for medical help and back up. As I left him there, I could only think that it must have been bad, what Lassiter had seen.

I'm sure it took me longer to go back than it took going in. As I came running out of the alleyway, I came face to face with my fellow officers pointing their guns straight at me. I was out of breath and it took me a few moments to catch it. When I did, I told McNab to grab a medical team and to follow me. After we headed back in, I told them to be as quiet as they could. The going was slow as I didn't want to cause any noise that could spook the gunman. But the moment, we heard guns being fired, we quickly increased our speed. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as we reached the spot where I had left Lassiter.

Just as we rounded the corner, I could see Lassiter was over the gunman and had kicked the gun away. Gus, who had run from the opposite direction stopped in his tracks and was just stood there staring at Shawn's lifeless body lying in a pool of blood. Shawn's face had gone white as snow and I could hear him struggling to take a breath.

I heard Lassiter speaking to someone, but I didn't hear what he had actually said to them, over my own tears. The medical crew started to work on Shawn and I just collapsed into a crying heap beside him. I looked up and saw Lassiter rushing over to Gus, as he too had collapsed.

I didn't care what Lassiter had to say. I was not leaving Shawn's side, so I just climbed into the ambulance with him and Gus. I knew in my heart that Shawn wasn't going to make it. I just thought that he would at least make it to the hospital, but he didn't. I ended up sitting in the waiting room, alone, waiting to hear how Gus was and for Lassiter to arrive.

I couldn't believe that Shawn was dead, that he was gone. But the world had just kept on going. Somehow it didn't feel right and it never will.

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	5. McNab's POV

**Chapter 5:**** McNab's POV**

It was my day off and I was on my own. My wife had gone to visit her family and wasn't going to be back for another two days, so I decided to take in a movie. As I tried to work out which movie to see, I remembered overhearing Shawn, talking about a new vampire horror movie that he and Gus was going to see, so I decided to check it out as well.

I had just gotten to movie theatre on Thomas Avenue when I heard gun fire. At first, I thought it was just one of the movies, until people started running from the theatre, screaming. I quickly called it in and tried to get as many people out of the area as I could.

Just as I heard sirens heading our way, I turned around and to my horror saw a man emerge from the theatre, holding a gun to Gus' head At first the gunman didn't seem to know what to do or where to go, but the moment he heard the sirens, he started to move to a nearby alleyway.

As I saw Detectives Lassiter and O'Hara pull up, I ran over to them to tell them what had happened, only to hear Detective O'Hara call out Gus's name and then Detective Lassiter got onto the radio, ordering other officer's to block the end of the alleyway.

While I waited to give them my report I looked around wondering where Shawn was, since Gus was there. I couldn't see him anywhere, but I had a feeling he would turn up sooner or later.

After I explained what I was doing there and what I had seen, Detective Lassiter sent me off to help with the victims. We were just loading the last of them into the ambulances, when I saw Shawn heading towards the Detectives. He had the usual big smile on his face. I shook my head as I realised that he didn't know about Gus yet, but I was sure it wouldn't take him long to find out. I was glad I wasn't the one who had to tell him.

I could see the Detective's quite clearly from where I was standing and as they looked up and saw Shawn heading their way, I could see fear in their eyes. I watched from where I was as they exchanged greetings and then all of a sudden Detective Lassiter turned his back to Shawn. I could also see Detective Lassiter lean in and whispered something to Detective O'Hara, who had never taken her eyes off Shawn.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched Shawn, do what he always did at a crime scene and took advantage of this moment to have a look around. If I had to say what he was looking for, I would say it was Gus, but knowing where Gus was, I knew that Shawn wouldn't find him and this idea made my stomach churn.

After Shawn had finished looking around he looked back at the Detectives, who were still talking amongst themselves. He looked like he was about to have one of his visions but something on the table caught his eye. Shawn had only looked at it for a second and before anyone could do anything, Shawn had taken off towards the alley shouting Gus's name.

I just watched in horror as Shawn and the two detectives disappeared down the alleyway. I could hear Detective Lassiter calling for him to stop, to come back and then it went quiet. I turned to some of the other officers and we went over and covered the entrance just in case the shooter managed to get past and come back this way.

It was about five minutes later that we heard someone coming towards us, so we readied our guns. I was so glad that none of us had a happy trigger finger otherwise Detective O'Hara would have been shot by one of us. Detective O'Hara came racing out of the alley, but stopped short when she saw us pointing our guns at her, but relief also appeared on her face.

Detective O'Hara bent over trying to catch her breath, but once she was able to talk, she was quick to shout out orders and I wasn't going to disobey them. I raced off and grabbed the nearest medical team and we all returned to where Detective O'Hara was waiting near the entrance. She gave us a smile and then quickly told us that Shawn had reached the gunman and Gus before they could stop him and Lassiter wanted a medical team ready just in case. As we entered, Detective O'Hara also told us to move slowly and as quietly as we could.

We slowly rounded a corner and Detective O'Hara seemed to pause with confusion for a second, then a loud noise echoed around us as we heard two shots being fired. We all hesitated for a second and then we rushed forward when we heard Lassiter call out. As we rounded the last corner, we were greeted by a shocking sight. It took just a second for everything to register in my mind.

The gunman was lying on the ground. I saw Lassiter kick the gun out of the way and check the man to make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else. He looked up at us then turned his eyes to what we were staring at. And that was Shawn, who was also on the ground lying with an unnatural stillness for him. His face had paled to an ash white colour, compared to the bright red blood pool forming under his body.

I watched as the medical crew rushed to Shawn to try to save his life. Detective O'Hara started crying and collapsed to the ground. I quickly grabbed her and eased her down and looked at Detective Lassiter to see if he could help me, but he was with Gus, who also seemed to have collapsed.

As they loaded Shawn and Gus into the back of the ambulance, Detective O'Hara pulled away from me and jumped in with them. I could see Detective Lassiter was going to stop her, but he changed his mind. As it left, both Detective Lassiter and I returned to finalise the crime scene. By the time we got to the hospital, we found Detective O'Hara sitting in the waiting room, alone. When Detective Lassiter asked about Shawn, Detective O'Hara stared straight ahead and said four words to us.

'Shawn didn't make it!'

The look on Detective Lassiter's face was a combination of shock, fear and sadness. After a moment his shoulders slumped and I could see the dread on his face because he was the one who had to ring the Chief and tell her.

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	6. Chief Vick's POV

**Chapter 6:**** Chief Vick's POV**

I was sitting in my office, waiting for my detectives to get back from a kidnapping investigation, to which they had reported. It turned out to be a situation of miscommunications between family members and the child had been found safe and well.

I was just leaving the call room when McNab rang in to report a gunman at the movie theatre on Thomas Avenue and that shots had been fired. I told him to stay put and I put out the call. Detective Lassiter was quick to call in and say he and Detective O'Hara were going to attend.

About ten minutes after they had been dispatched, I overheard Lassiter ordering some officer's to go to Trent Street and block off the adjoining alleyway. Another ten minutes passed before Lassiter called to give me an update on the situation. It turned out that the gunman was now cornered in a nearby alleyway, with a hostage, but he wasn't going anywhere. Lassiter also informed me, that the injured people were being taken care of, so he and O'Hara were going in after the gunman.

I knew something was really wrong when I asked if Lassiter knew who the hostage was. He hesitated at first, but finely told me that it was Burton Guster. Of course, I immediately asked about Shawn Spencer, but he told me that it seemed that Spencer hadn't arrived yet. I let out a sigh for now as I knew that he would turn up sooner or later and that Lassiter was to keep me updated.

About forty five minutes later I got another call from Lassiter. Something about the way his voice wavered told me something had gone wrong, very wrong. At first I thought he was going to say the gunmen had gotten away and still had Guster with him or that Guster had been injured while they were trying to apprehend the gunman. But I wasn't prepared for what he did say, or how he said it.

Lassiter took a deep breath and then let it out really slow to steady his voice. But as he spoke, I could still hear it breaking, the words were straight to the point. '_Spencer had turned up; he interfered with the case and was on his way to the hospital, along with Guster and O'Hara. Spencer has been shot by the gunman.' _ I couldn't help it, but those words had hit hard putting me into a temporary state of shock. I could finally hear Lassiter calling my name which aroused me enough to answer him, but only just. I told him that I would meet him at the hospital before I called Shawn's dad. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to call Henry Spencer until I knew all of the facts of his son's injures and how this had all gone down.

By the time I had arrived at the hospital, Detective Lassiter and Officer McNab were already there with O'Hara. At first I couldn't find them, but after asking around a bit I was sent to one of the smaller waiting rooms away from the ER where they were waiting by themselves. I thought this was a bit funny, as they were involved in the shooting, but no other officers were with them. The nurse explained that the other waiting rooms were full trying to accommodate the family members of the other shooting victims. Since O'Hara was the last to arrive, they had to put her in a different room by herself.

As soon as I entered, I wanted to leave. Lassiter was leaning up against a wall and although his features were the same, I could see pain in his eyes and I knew instantly that the news he was going to give me was not going to be good. My eyes then wandered over to McNab and O'Hara who were sitting down on the other side of the room. McNab looked like he was trying to comfort O'Hara by rubbing her back, but he, too, had a haunted look in his eyes. O'Hara was the worst. She had been crying, there was no denying that, but now, well now she was in shock. Her face was pale and she just sat there staring out into space. Her eyes were empty, as if her very soul had been ripped from her.

Lassiter must have finally seen me standing there and he walked up to me. I looked at him, but when he spoke to me, he was looking at O'Hara. He suggested we should go somewhere else to talk. I agreed and we left O'Hara with McNab, alone in the room.

We found a room that was empty and Lassiter closed the door. He didn't need to say that Spencer was dead, I could already tell. But, he had to say it, not just for me to know it officially, but so he could hear himself say it, so it would became real to him and not just a bad dream.

He first let me know that Guster was there only because he had fainted after Spencer was shot. Then he told me that the gunman hadn't made it and had died at the scene, where Lassiter had shot him. Then he said the words, those dreaded words. 'Spencer was dead'; he had died on the way to the hospital, that there was nothing they could have done to save him.

He told what happened when Spencer showed up, how he ran for the alleyway shouting Gus' name.

The next part was extremely hard for Lassiter, as his voice continued to break. He explained that he and O'Hara had tried to stop him. They both ran to where the gunman and Guster were, but they had managed to back track before being seen. He knew they had to have a plan of some kind before they went barging in.

He sent O'Hara back for medical help and he stayed to listen as Spencer rambled on to Gus. He seemed to think that whatever he was talking about was...off. When I asked what he meant, Detective Lassiter said that he couldn't put his finger on it, but Spencer wasn't doing his best and he knew that part for sure.

I asked him to elaborate a bit more and he said that, where Spencer would talk to the attacker and about them, that he would tell them things about themselves. But this time, he directed it all at Guster. As if he was trying to hurt Guster or he...somehow knew that he wasn't going to make out alive.

I could see my Detective thinking about this hard, so I got him to go on. That's when he told me, how Shawn got shot. He heard Spencer yell out to Guster to run, which he must have done because as my detective came around the corner with his gun raised, he saw Guster running off in one direction screaming and Spencer and the gunman collide with a nearby wall.

Lassiter had seen the gunman raise his gun and point it at him, so he fired. That's when I got the feeling something was really wrong because just after Lassiter told me this, his face went white with shock. I asked him what was wrong, that's when he told me that Spencer had hold of the gunman's arm. That he had pulled down the hand and gun. So he was in between the gun and Lassiter. The shot that killed Spencer was point blank to the chest, Spencer should have known better.

The next thing Lassiter said was he was clearing the scene just as O'Hara, McNab and the medical crew came around the corner. Spencer was already on the ground and O'Hara collapsed, crying. Guster fainted. He had the medical crew take Spencer and Guster to hospital and O'Hara just went with them. It was only when he got to the hospital that he found out that Spencer hadn't made it.

I thank him for the information and suggested that he return to O'Hara and wait. But I told him that I didn't want him to tell anyone about what he saw when Spencer got shot. At least, not yet. He agreed and left me alone.

Now I have the problem of telling Henry that his son was dead and I wasn't looking forward to that. I also decided not to ring him and got an officer to drive me over to his house.

May God help me!

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	7. Henry's POV

**Chapter 7:**** Henry's POV**

I was in the process of getting dinner ready for tonight. Shawn had promised me, no excuses this time, he and Gus would be there. They were going to catch a movie first and then come over later that night. I had just put the roast into the oven, when I heard the person who drops off the junk mail, going by. I was hoping to catch a good deal this week with some new fishing lines, so I went out grabbed the junk mail from my mail box.

I had just walked back in and was going through it when I came across an envelope with 'Dad', written on it. I let out a groan and was wondering what excuse Shawn was going to come up with this time. But I had given him credit; it's the first time he's left me a note to get out of dinner. I sat down to look at what he had to say, but I was shock at what I found inside.

I quickly turned off my stove; dinner was now, well and truly forgotten, as I grabbed my jacket and keys and headed for the door. As I opened it, I was a little surprised to find Chief Vick on my door step and she was about to knock. One look, just one look at her face told me I was too late. Shawn was already dead, but I needed to hear it. I needed her to say that it was true, otherwise, this was a cruel trick Shawn was playing and man I'm going to kill him.

Chief Vick just looked at me as if she wasn't sure what to say, so I made it easier for her. I just said it. '_Shawn's dead isn't he?' _The shock look on her face made it harder to believe that my son took his own life. '_Yes, can you please come and identify his body?' _was all shesaid to me. I nodded my head and we walked to the waiting car. Once inside, Karen ordered the officer to take us to the hospital.

After a few minutes of silence, I asked her how. And she gave me the courtesy of being honest with me. I listened as she told me about the shooting at the movie theatre and how Gus had been taken hostage. When Shawn arrived, he found out about Gus and before anyone could stop him, he took off down the alleyway. Lassiter heard Shawn try to talk his way out.

At this point Chief Vick had stopped talking and was looking at me strangely, as if she was trying to assess what I was thinking. The question she asked me made me stop and think. 'Had Shawn been acting strange lately?'

Now thinking about it, yes, he had. I had noticed that he was at my place a little more often lately and it wasn't for a case either. In fact he had been coming over and helping me do things; things I had been asking him to help me do ever since he had come back. There were a few other things, I had also noticed. Like walking away when the tension between us was getting bad. Even Gus had said that Shawn had stopped borrowing money and had started paying his own way.

I guess the biggest warning bell was when his mother had ringed up wanting to know what was going on. She said that Shawn had rang her several times in the last three weeks just to talk and was going on about how he forgave her for leaving him. Then there were the other things. Things, like running out of energy and that he wasn't stirring up Lassiter as much. Even, Jules had said that he had stopped flirting with her at one point.

So now thinking about it, yes there were a lot of warnings that something was wrong. Damn it, why didn't I listing to them. I turned to look at the Chief and she was looking at me with a worried look. I just nodded and told her what changes I had noticed in Shawn. Chief Vick just shook her head. 'Why hadn't, anyone seen it?' she asked, more to herself than to me. After a few seconds, she continued to explain what had happened in the alleyway and that the man who killed my son was dead

I turned to her, tears in my eyes as I said softly that Shawn had killed himself. That he wanted to die. Of course she was shocked by this, so it was at this point that I showed her the letter I had just received; Shawn's suicide note.

I went over it in my mind as I let the Chief read it. It was straight forward; Shawn had written that by the time I collect my mail, I would already know that he was dead. He didn't know how he was going to do it, but he was going to do it. It had turned out that Shawn had been diagnosed with cancer just over six months ago and he wasn't going to let it decide when and how he was going to die. That was his job and now that he was only given three more weeks to live, he had decided it was time to take control. He had also said that he was sorry and everything had already been done.

Vick looked back at me when she had finished reading. Tears had already started to fall and I could see the pity she felt for me. All I could do was shake my head at her and tell her it was going to be ok. Just then the car stopped, as we had arrived at the hospital. When we entered, she asked me where did I want to go first and I only wanted to see Lassiter at the moment, because I knew he was blaming himself. Chief Vick said she understood and that the letter will have to be kept as evidences. I agreed and then she said that she needed to call Gus' parents. I thanked her for coming and getting me and we headed off in our own directions.

I found Detectives Lassiter and O'Hara, as well as McNab in a waiting room. As soon as O'Hara saw me, she came over, crying and apologising to me. I pulled her into a hug and walked her back to the seats. After we sat down, I looked at Lassiter and McNab, and said I needed to tell them something. The confusion in their eyes shone with the tears that were being held back or had been shed.

I took a deep breath and just said it; I just said that Shawn had caused his own death. O'Hara called me a liar and Lassiter could only ask me if I was telling the truth. I then told them about the note and that the Chief had it. I then asked if they had heard anything about Gus and they said no. When I went to get up, O'Hara grabbed me and asked where I was going. I explained that I was going to officially identify Shawn's body. She apologised to me, I told her it was ok and I'd be back soon. I then left; letting them to process the fact Shawn had committed suicide.

I was led into a room that, in my time as a cop, I had entered many times with grieving families. At those times, the room had no effect on me after all; it wasn't my son lying on the table. But this time, it was and I could feel how cold the room was. I could smell how sterile it was and I could hear how quiet it was.

As I approached the table in the middle of the room, the man standing there pulled back the sheet to reveal Shawn's face. He lay there, still, and his face was white. I was still waiting for him to jump up and say surprise, but it never happened. Shawn's hair was a mess and not thinking I started to straighten it.

As I stood there looking at him, I started to remember when he was twelve. His grandfather had died and we had attended his funeral. Gus's parents had come along and after we had one back to the house for the wake. When Gus's parents came looking for him to go home, I realised that Shawn and Gus had disappeared.

When I had found them on the beach, I couldn't help but listen in on what they were talking about. Shawn had said he wasn't going to have a funeral like his grandfather's and Gus had told him that he had no choice.

I could see that it was going to get out of hand soon so I stepped in. I told Gus his parents wanted him and he took off to find them.

I then told Shawn we better head back to the house and guests. He told me that they were my guests and then he swore that there was no way he was going to have a funeral when he dies. I just laughed at him and told him that he wouldn't even know what we had done at his funeral. After all, he would be dead. That was when he told me that he was going to be in charge of his own death and funeral!

Oh god! If Shawn really did take control of his own death has he also done the same with his funeral? Well, we will find out soon enough. Right now, I have the job of telling his mother.

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	8. Madeline Spencer's POV

**Chapter 8:****Madeline Spencer's**** POV**

I had just seen my last patient when my secretary came in and asked if I could see a late visitor. Normally, I would have said no straight away, but there was something with the look Gloria had on her face that made me ask who it was. I nearly fell off my seat when she replied with Henry's name.

At first I wasn't sure what to say, and then it hit me. My ex wasn't the only one out there with that name and I let out a little laugh. That was, until Gloria asked if I wanted her to show my ex in. Now I was worried. Henry only ever called me out of courtesy, for the sake of Shawn. Since our divorce, Henry has never come and seen me in person. And when we were together, never did he come to my office.

I couldn't shake this feeling of dread that had come over me and it was telling me that Henry was here about Shawn. If it was something simple, he would have just called me just like he has in the past. But this time it must be bad for Henry to come all this way to see me face to face.

I nodded to Gloria to show Henry in. My mind was trying to run through all the things that could have happened, all the reasons why Henry could be here for and I tried my best to stop it. After all, I am a logical woman and allowing fear to rule my mind, when I didn't know all the facts, just didn't sit right with me.

Henry was shown in and I walked over to greet him. We shook hands and I thanked Gloria and told her she could go and I'd lock up when I left. I looked at Henry and I could see sadness in his eyes. This was bad, whatever this was. Henry has never shown emotions, not even when our marriage failed. So what has happened; what was so bad that it could move Henry this way? Shawn couldn't be dead; after all, they would have sent a police officer to let me know.

I asked him to sit down and I sat in my chair. As I watched him, I could see he had aged. His hair had turned white and there were wrinkles over his face. He was trying to hold onto his youth though, by wearing the most ridiculously bright Hawaiian shirt and jeans. But, the biggest change was in his eyes, regardless of what he wanted to hide, his eyes showed how old and tired he really was.

I didn't have time to muck around so I just asked him straight out why was he here. That was when I saw it, a single tear running down his cheek. Henry turned his head and looked out of the window, his hand slowly wiping away the sign that he did have some sort of feelings. When he returned to look at me, I could hardly believe what he had said. _Shawn had committed suicide._

I guess my reaction wasn't what Henry had expected, as he gave me a strange look and to be honest, I wasn't sure how I should have reacted. Was I supposed to have been shocked? No, I wasn't. Although Shawn hadn't said anything to me about taking his own life the last few times we had talked, I had gotten a feeling something wasn't right. Should I have been upset? Yes, I was upset, but at the same time, I hadn't had much to do with Shawn. Only the few phone calls from time to time and Henry occasionally updating me on what was going on in Shawn's life. So upset, yes, but not that much that I should have broken down into tears.

Instead, in a calm and quiet voice, I just asked him how. How did Shawn commit suicide? Henry frowned at this question, as if he knew what Shawn had done, but at the same time, didn't. I studied his facial reaction as he tried to think of a way to put it into words. I think what shocked me more was the hauntingly sad look deep in his eyes. Henry realised I was watching him so he took a deep breath and started to talk.

I just sat there listening to what he had to say. I felt I had no rights to interrupt him as he told me how this had all happened yesterday; and how he felt that it would be better for both of us if he came here and told me face to face, not over to phone.

He explained to me that while he and everyone else were going on with their lives, none of them had listened to the warnings that something was wrong with Shawn. Not even the big one, when I rang him to ask what was going on with our son.

Henry explained that while he was getting dinner ready for him, Gus and Shawn, Shawn was out there trying to find a way to kill himself and he found one.

When Henry got to the part about the gunman taking Gus hostage, he had to stop speaking for a moment to calm his voice. I took this moment to think about what he had said and tried to work out how this could even lead to Shawn taking his own life. Yes, I know that in the end, Henry would get there, but he seemed to be taking the long way around. I look back up at him and he was looking at me. I just nodded my head and Henry continued. We both knew that Shawn would do anything for Gus and risking his own life to save him, although a rash act was so totally Shawn.

Detectives Lassiter and O'Hara followed Shawn into the alley, trying to stop him. Gus had gotten away and the gunman raised his gun at the Detective but Shawn had pulled the hand and gun down so that he was in front of it. The gun went off; as Shawn fell Detective Lassiter shot and killed the gunman. Shawn had died on the way to the hospital. It was here that Henry had stopped again and looked at me.

I just stared at him, I just couldn't understand how, with what he had just told me, that he had gotten to the point that Shawn had killed himself. After all, he just described Shawn being shot by a madman. Henry must have guessed what I was thinking and he handed me a piece of paper, saying that it was a copy as the police need to keep the original.

He had collected his mail and this letter was amongst it. After reading it, he was just about to go out and find Shawn when Chief Vick arrived to let him know that Shawn was already dead. He was too late to save his son.

After reading the letter, I now understood how they came to the conclusion that Shawn had taken his own life. I told Henry to just let me know when the funeral was and that was the first time he had smiled since entering my office. He told me he couldn't tell me, as he won't know himself, until Shawn's solicitor got back to him. The confused look I gave Henry must have been enough for him to feel he needed to explain.

He told me about the time when Shawn was twelve and his grandfather had died, Shawn had told him that he was going to be in control of his own death and funeral. So he had taken control of his death and last night, Shawn's solicitor turned up and explained that Shawn had already organised his funeral. Henry said he wasn't surprised at all and now he was just waiting to find out the when and where.

I gave Henry a sad smile and said I will see him at the funeral. After I let him out, I sat down in my chair and went over all that I had just been told. And for the first time, I cried for the loss of my son. I didn't cry when I left his dad. I didn't cry when I knew our family was falling to pieces. But this was different, I was crying not for his death, but for all the time I wasted when he was alive and I didn't want to know him.

**The End **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. There is a sequel coming soon.**


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